Make Country Music Great Again Meme
Metallica. Metallica used to be the best, Best, band in the country. They had the riffs, they had the best riffs. They used to win all the time, with albums like Ride the Lightning, Master of Puppets and …And Justice for All,but folks, when was the last time Metallica WON? All they do is lose now, losing to Megadeth and losing to Anthrax. ANTHRAX! Today I am here to present you with my 4 stride plan to Brand AMERICA MAKE METALLICA Peachy AGAIN.
Stride ane: Take Away All of Hetfield's Country albums
Waylon Jennings, groovy guy, the best guy. He has written some truly inspiring music that has uplifted the downtrodden and been the soundtrack to many hard working Americans after hours drinking. He helped brand land music great again! But, and I hate to tell you this folks, but he has also gotten into the head of James Hetfield. A lot of people, reputable people, are saying he may literally exist within it. Is he? I don't know! Simply that's what everyone is proverb. After all, practice yous remember the fiasco that was "Ronnie," or the travesty of "Mama Said?" Or even the talk of his solo country career? Anybody knows that was the doing of listening to also much Waylon Jennings, or possibly Hetfield being controlled past a mini Jennings like that guy from Men in Black. My plan to rectify this is that we will build a wall around Hetfield's drove of Waylon Jennings CDs AND we will get Waylon Jennings to pay for it! It'll happen folks, believe me. We will never take to endure through something similar this ever again:
STEP 2: Give Lars Bionic Legs
Like anyone else who loves Metallica most as much as they love America, I went to come across them on bout hither in 2009. It was a bang-up, great bear witness. very good evidence. The best testify. Actually, truly the best, proficient show. One of the biggest surprises came when the band played …AJFA's "Dyer's Eve." But something was missing, folks. The double bass! How can Metallica play the near rocking song in their discography without the double bass present in 90% of the song? The answer was immediately apparent: Danish healthcare had failed Lars Ulrich and let his legs wither and die merely like his hair. There is merely 1 solution here: We need to brand Lars pay inordinate sums of money to have his frail, dead legs replaced with bionic legs. Strong, bionic legs fabricated right here in America. These will be the best legs, legs like the most American American of all time Arnold Schwarzenegger's legs in 1992's action blockbuster Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Using this plan we tin help Lars to defeat the evil, liquid metal nemesis that is practicing playing drums whilst function of the biggest metallic band on the planet.
STEP iii: Make Robert Trujillo Stand Upward and Play His Bass Like an Adult
I dear Robert Trujillo. Fantastic bass player. His pre-Metallica output with 90's American greats who made America great again (90's edition) is admittedly untouchable. That being said, he is now a member of one of the biggest metallic bands in history. It's time for him to cease doing this thing:
I mean, I'm just saying what anybody is thinking, right? Everyone knows that the crab walk is a symptom of some metalcore, scene haircut plague. Is Rob infected? Should nosotros be worried that he'll be sporting a swoop haircut and only A Day to Call up and I Killed the Prom Queen shirts on Metallica's next bout? I'thousand just asking questions! The just way to preclude the spread of this disease that he maybe, definitely has is for him to stand upright and play his bass like an adult. It isn't hard. Literally millions of Americans practice it every single 24-hour interval. I'm continuing upright and playing bass correct at present equally I blazon this. I volition exist while you're reading this, likewise. We need get him to do this for his health and for the health of Metallica. Or just get rid of him because they sound pretty skilful without a bassist anyway.
STEP 4: Don't Allow Kirk Bear on Anything Other than Frets 13 – 24
Kirk Hammett is a national treasure when he's ripping solos and dropping steaming hot weedlies on our collective chests. When he isn't, though, he is conspicuously an unsupervised kid. Remember the last time Metallica let Kirk out of his room to affect things that weren't his guitar?
Folks, while I'g sure that their new, finely crafted Italian, or equally I like to call it second, already great America, made suits are going to be YUGE, I never want to see them in them again unless I'thou making a profit off of them also. And whose hat is that? Is that chapeau a institute from the Megadeth camp to brand the picture even douchier? Over again, I'yard only asking questions! Even when he IS just playing guitar though he is a liability to Metallica.
We demand to limit Kirk to the frets that he actually understands: 13-24. Kirk was the most widely praised role of Decease Magnetic.You lot know why? Because they built a wall around frets one – 12 so he couldn't play them.
Following this elementary 4 step program I believe that we can make Metallica great again! If non, then at the very to the lowest degree, nosotros can promise that they make Lars and Kirk practice their fucking instruments and that they volition all be forced to wear their fine Italian suits every night on phase. Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme formal men's attire!
Metallica has a new anthology coming out, but I'm sure you're already enlightened and accept written a thinkpiece about information technology. Please do not link to said thinkpiece in the comments below.
Source: https://toiletovhell.com/were-going-to-make-metallica-great-again/
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